Fortune Cookie Future

Hi.

I understand it has been quite a while since I started this whole thing. The fortune cookie future is something that cannot be rushed. So today I’m sitting at home and I decided to eat a fortune cookie for the first time in a while. This was one of those fortune cookies that I ate because I was looking for something to help me. It’s been a pretty rough couple of weeks for me. Things between friends happened that made me question my friendships. The well-known man in my life (Mr. X) has been chased out of my life by myself. 

It’s technically his fault. Once a manwhore, always a manwhore. It’s kind of hard to trust someone who doesn’t deserve my trust. But anyway…the past is the past. I’ve been pretty stressed lately and basically my choices to spend most of my time by myself haven’t really been any benefit.

ANYWAY. Less babbling more fortune cookies. So I just received my fortune:

“To guarantee success, act as if it were impossible to fail.” 

I like it. We’ll see how this one turns out. I’ll be updating on what it ends up being. Maybe it’s time to just start a new chapter, and stop concentrating on how shitty the old is and maybe concentrate on how bitchin the new might be. Psht. Optimism is for the weak. 

Oh and one more update! The ex from my previous fortune recently asked for another chance with me. I lied and said I had a boyfriend because the last thing I want is to be sucked into those horrors again. So that fortune couldn’t have been more accurate. Sometimes the good ones just take a little more time!

I shall update again soon. 

Just to make this story short and simple, my most recent fortune cookie was quite bittersweet. 

Cookie #2- “And old love will come back to you.”

I read it and almost threw it away. This was the last thing I wanted to see in my cookie. My past relationships have either been a total mess or a total mess. I have only been in one serious relationship and I’ll just say it wasn’t exactly a highlight of my life. 

So the day after I received this fortune, I dreaded the results. I was sitting in my apartment with my roommate, and I got a text…from my ex. He has been in a relationship for a while, but she just moved away. I guess their contact has been limited since the move and apparently he’s been getting lonely. 

I received multiple texts this evening from him, all with the same base story behind them: “I miss you, I’m lonely, I was wrong,” blah blah fucking blah. As I sat and read these repetitive messages, all I could think was why? So, after receiving the final texts saying, “I wish we could get back together, I wish we were together,” laddy da, I replied with a simple, cold, “I don’t think that would work, it sounds like a bad idea.” Have a good life. Boom.

Warning: Slightly EXPLICIT Story (Not for the young or weak)

Now as we all know there is nothing more fun than finding a great sex buddy with nothing attached to it. Get drunk, stop over, have some fun and make the walk of shame before anyone sees your smeared makeup and matted hair. The sex buddy is the greatest modern invention and using it as my form of dating for the past 6 months hasn’t had any down side…until now. 

Meet…Mr. X (names changed to protect the not-so-innocent.) Mr. X came into my life the day I started my most recent job. I worked side-by-side with him for about a year. The first time we talked, I thought he was repulsive. Don’t get me wrong, he was drop-dead sexy and he had the body of my dream piece of ass, but his attitude was atrocious. He was horribly immature, and managed to piss me off with every word he said. We got into fights constantly at work because he managed to push every single button I had. I guess I’m just a sucker for abuse. 

About two weeks before I moved away, we began to hang out. I think over the time of fighting it somehow became more flirting than anything. One drunken night, a LONG drunken night, we hooked up. Best. Sex. Ever. He was actually a really sweet guy and we kind of connected, in a strange way. We began to make it a regular thing, and I started to actually…kind of…like the kid.

Anyway, I moved. I thought that that was going to be it and that’s all I had planned for our “thing,” but since I’m dumb, I was a little heartbroken. I thought about him constantly and began to see signs. This is where the cookies come in.

Cookie #1- “Now is the time to go ahead and pursue that love interest!”

Now, this may not seem like that great of a sign. BUT. I had been seeing signs everywhere that I can’t really explain without giving names away. Long story short, I’m pursuing that love interest to the best of my ability. If anything, I’ll get some more great sex out of it. 

I like to think that everyone is a fan of chinese food. Whether it’s delicious fresh sushi at a small fish market near the ocean, or the nearest rewarmed buffet serving the same canned fruit and greasy noodles they have since they opened. I, personally, love chinese. I actually eat it so often that I started having regular fortune cookies at my disposal. After months of consuming the delicious finale after every msg-filled meal, I began a tradition with these cookies.

Each cookie must be eaten in an ordered manner. First, the fortune must be removed and set face down, to avoid reading temptations. Second, the cookie must be eaten in halves. And last, but not least, the fortune must be read aloud and placed either in a pocket or purse. I know it sounds ridiculous but why be superstitious unless you’re gonna go all the way? 

So, after repeating this routine for a few weeks, I started realizing that the fortunes began to fit my life. I don’t mean in the make-anything-fit-one-of-your-life-situations kinda fit my life, I mean the you-can’t-deny-the-connection kinda fit my life.

Well to wrap things up, (or to unwrap them BAHAHA,) this blog has been created to divulge my deepest, darkest secrets that have been brought on by fortune cookies. This is my fortune cookie future. Enjoy.